Phoenix

My good friend has given me this book and I've managed to finish reading it last year. It completely echoes the tensions within myself. And so, I have to quote this excerpt from Paolo Coelho's blog on Brida:

After her first romantic disappointment, she had never again given herself entirely. She feared pain, loss, and separation.

These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of
avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all.

In order not to suffer, you had to renounce Love. It was like putting out
your own eyes not to see the bad things in life.

Ever since time began, people have recognized their true Love by the light
in their eyes.

"When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way."

"Don't bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain
your emotions."

"But how will I know who my Soulmate is?" Brida felt that this was one of the most important questions she had ever asked in her life.

"By taking risks" she said to Brida. "By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing your search for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end."

Nothing is completely wrong. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.

I think I've managed to face that particular fear last year and completely love. Right now it is a matter of swallowing and accepting failure, disappointment, disillusion that come with the risk I've taken. This and a constant reminder to myself to be open and never cease to hope.

If there is one thing, I'm sure of at this point, whatever people have thought of the situation from the get go, nothing is completely wrong and there is no room for regrets. After taking another risk like this, that fear is now long gone even if there is pain. Baptized by the consquences, there is no reason to fear what you have already been through. Since it is the second time around, it moves me to look and realize that if a second time can happen, a third time can happen too. This is possible. So stronger and more free will I be after the embers die down and the ashes get scattered by the wind.